When people see the good in you

and tell you.

it makes the bad a lot easier.

Even if we can't quite remember what was said.

Sometimes its the people you least expect who make it better.

I wish I had a father figure.

Failed once again by my own.

indeed.

Un pessismist pas dissapointed jamais.

Love Story

Love means never having to say your sorry.

My favourite film quote of all time I think. Simple. beautiful film.

Every time I think of that quote I always think oh I wish I had that with someone, loved so much that you can be forgiven for your sins.

Today though when I thought about it I realised that I do have it...

She is my best friend, and the best thing I have in my life. No matter what I throw at her, how devestating the news can be, she'll pick me up dust me off and make things a better again. I laugh with her, cry with her, hell I even spoon her! We keep each other strong and see the best in each other. There is no jealousy we just want each other to be happy, even if we sometimes don't agree on the person or thing that's making the other one happy.

Even when I make mistakes she never judges me. she never will. When the worst times came. she didn't shout, judge or give me any grief. she just called me straight back and talked to me. helped me through a tough decision and on the day stayed up all night just so she could say goodbye to me and make sure I was okay.

THAT is love.

And I never have to say sorry.

Monotony.

My days are the becoming the same thing every day.

doing my head in. plus being worse of than when I was at uni is fucking shit.

made a start on changing that today though. one phonecall goes a long long way...

Today was shit and good at the same time. Mortified myself faceplanting. and then wore Tuna.

but at least I got given hope that was has been bugging me for the last wee while might eventually be resolved hopefully . But thats' all it EVER is. Hope. cos I won't beleive it till I see it.

I meant it when I said I was done. To deletion extent.

Just looked through my photos and found this...

monster munch, If you are reading this, I fucking miss you. so hard Love you .

Wise words William Beckett.

"So save your breath and the money you spent, Go work in retail and spare the suspense, Just don't take chances on anything at all, Anything at all."

Story of my so called life.

best friends means forever.

me next. The pustino's are forever.

Last Night...

I slept with my fingers crossed.

Skywalker Streeet.

This ran on forever and made me laugh...

23:34skywalker.:
it's a rough area
.....................................................................................
23:35Vic:
the stormtroopers turned to crystal meth
……………………………………………………………………
23:35skywalker.:
aaaah.
……………………………………………………………………
23:35Vic:
R2D2 is an escort
……………………………………………………………………
23:36skywalker.:
C3P0 does gay born.
……………………………………………………………………
23:36Vic:
and as for chewwy, I don't know what happened but he swears that prostitute was alive when he left her
……………………………………………………………………
23:37skywalker.:
the wookies have been engaging in a drug war with the jedi crew.
many horrible things have happened
……………………………………………………………………
23:39skywalker.:
lots of victims caught in the crossfire.
……………………………………………………………………
23:41Vic:
The ewoks running illegal immigrints across the border
back of that lorry opened up, heaps of sand people hidden in the back
……………………………………………………………………
23:42skywalker.:
whilst the females of naboo are pimped out by 'queen' amidala.
……………………………………………………………………
23:43Vic:
I never had Yoda down as a drug lord. Him and Obi Wan are like the Krays these days
……………………………………………………………………
23:43skywalker.:
scum.
……………………………………………………………………
23:44Vic:
bahaa
……………………………………………………………………
23:44skywalker.:
han solo, one cop trying to make a difference...
……………………………………………………………………
23:46skywalker.:
recruits a rookie with ideals to help him out, luke skywalker.
……………………………………………………………………
23:49Vic:
this conversation just made my life
……………………………………………………………………
23:50skywalker.:
haha
……………………………………………………………………
23:50Vic:
i'm wearing my stab vest when i go
……………………………………………………………………
23:51skywalker.:
you'll need to pay off some people so you won't get shot.
……………………………………………………………………
23:51Vic:
i gave some guy called anakin a call
seems like a bad seed though
……………………………………………………………………
23:51skywalker.:
i know. bit eeevil
……………………………………………………………………
23:53Vic:
seriously needs to work on his breathing down the phone too
……………………………………………………………………
23:54skywalker.:
haha
……………………………………………………………………
23:55Vic:
really loud and heavy. kinda creepy.
……………………………………………………………………
23:55skywalker.:
obsessed with the dark side and purifying the world, right racist.
……………………………………………………………………
23:56Vic:
sith lord for hire the personal ad read
I thought i'd be safe
……………………………………………………………………
23:56skywalker.:
maybe
……………………………………………………………………
23:57Vic:
he came highly recommended like
………………………………………………………………
23:57skywalker.:
by who?
……………………………………………………………………
23:57Vic:
I met jabba the hut at the co-op and he said to give him a phone
……………………………………………………………………
22/6/2009
00:06skywalker.:
he's a rough character.
bad man.
……………………………………………………………………
00:07Vic:
ben kenobi just text, jar jar got killed in a drive by.

just realised..

it was a month yesterday.
How should I feel?

Anything Can Happen In the Next Half Hour...

weekend was weird.
people assuming, accusing and blaming!
I will admit I assumed something but I certainly didn't go around spreading it like vicious gossip, so really wasn't happy when I got texts on sunday telling me that I had been chosen as the person to blame, just so someone was happy.
Got hit on though for the first time I think ever! had a wee kiss but its not the same.
someone new will come along though, and it will be better.
lost my rag completely on saturday night. the matter is now resolved but it was a complete lack of respect for me and it still hurts a little bit that people could do that.

being perfect mission is still going full steam, cheated a bit today foodwise but going back on the wagon tomorrow. eatings cheating.
weekend should be good. back out, back drinking, back dancing, good times.

How do I go back to this?

Everything seemed better then, I'm going to try my hardest to get back there.

my anthem.....

Good times for a change See, the luck I've had Can make a good man Turn bad So please please please Let me, let me, let me Let me get what I want This time Haven't had a dream in a long timeSee, the life I've had Can make a good man bad So for once in my life Let me get what I want Lord knows, it would be the first time Lord knows, it would be the first time

Fantastic Tanfastic

Hand bruise is still a fucking peach!!

Got me some fake tan today. decided in the two weeks that I'm off work recovering I'm going to become fake tantasic...
it's an interesting new hobby. I'm either going to be rocking the tan or ooompa looompa.
I'm kinda using these few weeks as time to get over whats all gone wrong these past few months and stuff, go back to work with a fresh outlook and all that.
losing weight is also back on the agenda... I guess I just want to start all over again again.
maybe this arguement was just the straw that broke the camels back, I'm using it as an excuse to get over the things that happened earlier on, what I gave up that I didn't even know I wanted.

today was good though. hung with friends new and old.... lavely.

on the Road again...

came back to the flat today.

good times.

still been thinking far too much.

one text message put me in the shittest mood ever.

hate that they have that power over me.

I'm boring myself these days....

Just want someone who wants me for me, and who doesn't make me crazy, not the biggest ask in the world is it?

Hung out with David this afternoon. good times. we talk the biggest amount of shit. and share some wise words. I fucking love him. I really do.

we make a mean cup of team tea also. and do pretty good anastacia impressions too. So good I spat my tea out the window, we were sick and tired of being sick and tired!!

the print screen button can't quite demonstrate how funny it was......

I'd rather spend my life pretending then have to forget you for one whole minute...

last few days have been weird.

told someone how I really felt.
my dad got in touch.
I didn't even get an interview for the Job I wanted.

I'm kinda glad I spoke up about my feelings, it's hard though cos we've been through a rough time, hell the worst times, and they are one of my closest friends.
but I just couldn't go on feeling the way I did. Maybe now I've spoken up I'll be able to get over it all.

I don't know why I ended up getting so involved or caring so much. I didn't expect it. I didn't expect to love spending time with him, to get on so well with him, or to be able to tell him everything, it's seriously not like to to get like this over a guy.... I don't let my guard down enough!!

However, there is still that part of me that still wants him just to like me back. to realise that I've been about through all the hassle, the hurt, the lies and the worse times, and I'm not going anywhere.

my dad phoning was random. my mum had told him I was going into hospital (against my wishes) so I've gone from being disowned to daughter again once I'm ill? hmmm interesting? only there when the chips are down eh pops?

as for the job I applied for I really wanted it. I'm sickened I didn't even get an interview... I'm so tired of getting no interviews cos I don't have experience, how can I get experience if you don't give me a job??!!!!

I hope once I start to totally recover I get out of this mood. being a depressed smiths listening Vic is tiresome.....