2) Eat hummas and chips.
3) Mime your way through "Poker Face".
4) Fall over on Union Street.
5) Get in a fight because your best pal was getting bummed at the bank machine. Then loose your earrings.
6) Look this bad:
7) Plan and arrange outfits for Halloween which involve being Iona YF and Vic Hendo.
8) Dance to "some sort of hardcore version of 'Baby got back'".
9) Ask random birds to do up your dress whilst standing naked in the toilets.
10) Pretend "Boom Boom Pow" is playing when it's really Slipknot just because you want an excuse to dance with Smit.
11) Loose your friends.
12) Manage to get to Warehouse. Blag your way in for free by demanding you get a stamp. Lone behold your friends managed put THEMSELVES on the guestlist.
13) As soon as you arrive, start the Iona Tierney academy of dance. This involves, jogging on the spot, pointing your fingers like you are an air traffic controller and jog the length of the dancefloor on your lonesome. For 40 minutes straight.
14) Don't panic when your best friend falls INTO a table.
15) Go back to Korova by yourself because you doubt that walking up the stairs to go to the toilet is a good plan.
16) It's 3am. Time to vomit.
17) Have your best friend tell some guy that his name is not a name, it is an emotion. "Sigh" or "Si".
18) Gowans: "Can a hae your sacks?"
19) Walk hame barefoot.
20) Your feet. So try to hail an Ambulance as a taxi.
21) Either text boys to ask them to "stay over" or simply shout them because "Aberdeen isny that big, they'll probably here."
22) Phone for help when two Polish/..Frenchmen try to end your life. P.s, thank you Mike.
23) Don't sit on someone's motorbike. The alarm WILL go off and the owner WILL shout at you while you try to retrieve your lost heels and run away for dear life.
24) Arrive at your destination. Get naked. "Multi-spoon" your fellow companions.
25) Decide that you want to pranky someone. So, text there best friend, knowing that they are with them and ask for there number. They will NEVER find out who it was.
26) Start a rival clothing company, name it "Boner over Rory".
27) There's no point in asking if a song that contains the words "Tease me" is by Shaggy. It will be.
28) NEVER sing a song called "Your name is Smit, you are in ASD. You're glasses steamed up, when you looked at me."
29) Nor say, in the style of Shaggy, "It wasny me" after every single line in every single song.
30) There's no point in your texting your boyfriend because "everyones getting nailed apart from me." You will jynx your friends chances.
31) Don't doubt Matty Hoods identity. He will tell you to fuck off.
32) Don't send two people the same sext message. "you wanna stay at mine the night??" Two question marks. Nae kisses.
several hours later:
Victoria Gowans:
"I can't believe we slept till 11 o'clock."
Vicki Cockburn:
"I can't believe i'm such a whore."
